She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
