Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
