It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
