he wants to bone in the snuggie
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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