Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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