I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
