i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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