dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize