He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
3pm strippers are depressing
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
