do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
