I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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