Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
