Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
