Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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