There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize