That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
