There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
