i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
