It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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