Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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