she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
