And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
