you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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