youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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