i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
