She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
