and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
