Pants 0. Shit 1.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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