she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
