but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
