so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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