If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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