I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
