u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
