Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
organizing the empties. That sober.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
