Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
