i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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