How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hippo gnu deer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
