also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There r osticjed everywhere
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
