Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
