I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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