trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
