I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
