I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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