We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
too bad you live with your parents still
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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