I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
