His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
