stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
