Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
