I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
