i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
