he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
