Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
