Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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