At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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