i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
