Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
