So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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