Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
