hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
