He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Don't make out with my wife yet
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
