why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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