mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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