I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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