I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
