Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize