i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she told me i tasted like america
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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