I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize