this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
