is your mom at the bar?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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