I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
