you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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